So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
