in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
