I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is wine microwaveable?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
