i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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