I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
