dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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