I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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