Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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