I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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