Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
