dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
