Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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