so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
