my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
