I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
either way he was missing a nipple.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
