So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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