you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
