is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
