ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
