Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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