Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
