Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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