I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
