If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
