eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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