Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
