We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
