just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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