At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
