Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
