how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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