LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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