Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
