Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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