I didn't shave. On purpose
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
