You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize