I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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