you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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