You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
