So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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