Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
