Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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