that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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