there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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