you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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