Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
