So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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