He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
