I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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