why didn't you poke me back
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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