sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
