im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
