Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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