Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
