im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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