We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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