Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
