every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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