I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.