hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
